by Standerinfamilycourt
What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops. Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
– Matthew 10:27-28
With permission, we’re sharing an “inbox” inquiry received on our Facebook community page, Unilateral Divorce is Unconstitutional:
“Quick overview. Covenant wife divorced me early nineties. Stood approx. 4 years until Cov. wife became engaged. Starting dating..fell into sin..ended up marrying woman I impregnated 1 week before cov. wife was remarried. Tough second marriage. 3 year separation where I stood for the non covenant marriage and she did come home with another mans child. Fast foward 15 years and she left again. This time as reading the bible and studying the blinders came off. Now back to standing for covenant marriage altho cov wife seems to have had a very blessed marriage. Sometimes I think if I had married one week after I would have had a good marriage and hers would have been bad. The struggle I have is with how my covenant wife has seem to have been so blessed. Reading your blog there was an article where you had come to grips with remarriage being a hell or heaven matter. What was the information the settled the matter in your heart? You see so many people in remarriages that love God…works demonstrate their faith, etc. that it’s hard to believe that an eternity in hell awaits them. Your thoughts are appreciated.”
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SIFC: Of course, we have addressed these recurring questions in many prior posts, such as this one, and this one, but we’re not surprised that the central question keeps popping up.)
Thanks for your question, Page Fan. You raise many issues in your question, and the response can get lengthy in a hurry. Since it’s a question many have, I’d like to give you a quick answer about the events that solidified the heaven-or-hell heart knowledge for “standerinfamilycourt”, and give you a couple of resources to digest on your own. Then, with your permission, and keeping your identity confidential, what I’d like to do is bring a fuller response to everyone through a blog post by the end of February. May I ?
The first thing to understand is what Jesus was telling us in Matt.19:6 and 8. Humanists, from Moses to the Pharisees, to Martin Luther to Pope Francis, have always rebelled against God’s order, which was established at creation, by trying to make the question of divorce and remarriage about allowances and “permissions”.
Jesus came along and said, “no, it’s strictly about metaphysics — to which there are no exceptions.” This is what He’s saying in Matt. 19:6: only God’s hand can form the lifelong one-flesh entity of holy matrimony. He does it instantaneously and supernaturally, creating an entirely new entity, “they are never again two (according to the verb tense He actually used, translated into Greek) but one flesh.” God then becomes the other party with that new entity to an unconditional covenant. All of this occurs BEFORE physical consummation if the couple was chaste before taking vows.
Where they weren’t chaste, but there is no living, estranged spouse, it still occurs before they are back up the aisle and out the door.
This is the foundation that makes all non-widowed “remarriage” adultery, and is why Jesus repeated on three separate occasions that EVERYONE who “marries” a divorced woman enters into an ongoing state of adultery. If it was adulterous for another man to “marry” YOUR covenant wife, it is equally adulterous for your one-flesh to claim to the world that she is “married” to that man, regardless of how “blessed” it might look from the outside.
I assure you, she knows that “hen soma” (satan’s glittery but pale counterfeit discussed in 1 Cor. 6:16) is a hollow substitute for “sarx mia” – the supernatural, God-joined genuine article.
Jesus was not just saying in Matt.19:6 and 8 (SIFC: notice the verb tense again in “it was not [EVER] this way”) that divorce was immoral — He was saying that man’s paper claims of “dissolution” were IMPOSSIBLE. Only death severs the one-flesh entity, and only death removes God from the unconditional covenant He has made with that inseverable one-flesh entity. To the divorced and remarried priest He addresses through the prophet Malachi (chapter 2), He says….” the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she IS (not “was”) your companion and your wife by covenant.”
I have always known from my earliest days as a believer that non-widowed remarriage was fake and adulterous, and this came by revelation of God’s direct word and the Holy Spirit’s counsel to me personally. I stood strong against the rapidly-apostasizing church four decades ago based on that. But even in those days, I only knew a fraction of what I was eventually to learn. So here are the events that clarified things for me:
The first thing was that the pastor of my own church decided a few years ago to take many weeks to teach the entire congregation on Sundays how to use the principles of sound hermeneutics in bible study to detect and avoid error / “spin”. He was so serious about it that he did this right from the pulpit in the main service. He wasn’t teaching on marriage, just general principles. I then read a 1957 book called “Does Divorce Dissolve Marriage?” written around the same kind of rigorous hermeneutic framework as I had just learned in church, written by a bible college president who died in 1975.
The second thing was the range of accomplished bible scholars I met shortly afterward. Soon I met displaced pastors whose covenant wives had divorced them, but they had obeyed the Lord and remained celibate, some of them for 30 years who never had a church again after that, expressly because they refused to “remarry”. These guys (and in one case an accomplished lady bible scholar who had repented of an adulterous “remarriage” with another woman’s “divorced” husband), taught me how to use free online deep bible study tools to get back to the original Greek and Hebrew texts, which then exposed all of the places where liberal bible translation committees had distorted our English-language bibles over the past 100 years or so to make divorce and remarriage seem acceptable. I then found out there were a handful of happily married pastors, in quite a mix of denominations, with congregations who agreed with these “divorced” pastors and preached the truth boldly from their own pulpits — all of the truth. Being able to see the differences in Greek word usage that the liberal commentators don’t tell people about, helped me deeply understand the nature of both one-flesh and God’s unconditional covenants, as well as His character in how He treats His holy symbols.
Once I had this hermeneutics and online tools methodology under my belt, I happened to be accepted as a FB friend by a prominent professor (former Catholic) in a mainline Protestant seminary who had become an early friend of our FB page, and who had once rebutted Dr. David Instone-Brewer’s erroneous and liberal book from 2001. Dr. G allowed me to post marriage indissolubility comments on his wall, which is a gathering-place for Christian leaders and students, but he became uncomfortable and PM’d me one evening when I posted evidence that it’s a heaven-or-hell issue, just as remaining in a sodomous relationship is for gays who claim to be believers.
Dr. G: ” [SIFC}, I think you are beginning to dominate the discussion on my divorce post overly much. I think people understand your point. Some of it is helpful but careful for overkill.”
SIFC: “Good evening, Dr. G. Sorry I’ve offended. I’m in the middle of finishing a blog, so will give it a rest, and I do appreciate the touch-base. I do have a question, if it’s something you’ve addressed before. In your mind, is there any difference between “not inheriting the kingdom of God” and going to hell? This is a serious question and would love to have your input some time. Thanks.”
Dr. G: “Not inheriting the kingdom of God means exclusion from eternal life.”
SIFC: “So I guess your response would be “no difference”?”
Bottom line, he readily admitted that they mean the same thing, and has continued to allow me to post the same kinds of comments ever since. (The other possibility might have been for him to cite “loss of rewards”, as some of the Calvinists do with regard to the born-again who disobey the Lord in this area, but he didn’t do so.)
By that late evening incident in 2015, I knew that it wasn’t wrong to link 1 Cor.6:9-10 with Luke 16:18, since after all, Jesus Himself did so in verses 19-31 of Luke 16. Notice He also does so in Matthew 5:27-32, keeping in mind that when those words came out of His mouth, there was no bible committee to sanitize it by adding “helpful headings” and “suggested divisions”. (Dr. G still claims there is adultery and “adultery-lite” depending on whether or not there’s man’s paper involved, but this learned seminarian has never been able to point to any scripture that supports this, except for the (irrelevant) story of the woman shacking up with a non-husband, of whom John’s account doesn’t tell us Jesus told her she had to “come out of” – but neither does John’s account tell us that He told her to hie herself off to the rabbi and “marry” the dude, post-haste.)
Dr. G is similar to John Piper and Voddie Baucham, good men who all agree that “remarriage” is adultery before it actually happens, but who all object, without scriptural basis, to the idea that repenting of this ongoing sin is done the same way as repenting of any other ongoing state of sin.
The third thing that happened is that I was exposed to all of the writings of the early church leaders, from the Apostles – people who had been in the house with Jesus after His confrontation with the Pharisees about remarriage being adultery, where He spoke of becoming a “eunuch” for the sake of inheriting the kingdom of God – to the ones that lived some 300 or 400 years later. They were unanimous about it as well. Even if some of them did consider man’s “divorce” real in terms of a separation, they all knew it didn’t dissolve anything until somebody died, so they all unanimously forbid remarriage while an estranged spouse was still alive.
One of them, Ignatius, who was the bishop of Antioch (died when executed by the Romans in a den of lions) said this around 100 A.D. :
“Do not be in error, my brethren. Those that corrupt families shall not inherit the kingdom of God. If then, those who do this as respects the flesh have suffered death, how much more shall this be the case with anyone who corrupts by wicked doctrine the faith of God, for which Jesus Christ was crucified? Such a one becoming defiled in this way shall go away into everlasting fire, and so shall everyone that harkens unto him.”
This audio link with important church history details is by Rev. Stephen Wilcox – whom I also highly recommend to you as a contact. Stephen runs the Spirit of Hosea Fellowship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhhGSHJAef4
We have to understand that remarriage adultery doesn’t just break the commandment against adultery. It also breaks the 1st commandment against idolatry (finding God-substitutes / self-worship), and the 8th, 9th and 10th commandments (stealing, bearing false witness, and coveting that which belongs to another).
If we die in the ongoing sin of remarriage adultery we die in all of those other sins as well, and we know from Rev. 21:8 that unrepentant liars and covetous idolators are cast into the lake of fire. Ditto for living in an ongoing state of unforgiveness which Jesus repeatedly stated will send people to hell if they die in that state (see Matt. 18:23-35). Adulterous remarriage constitutes permanent unforgiveness, taking our own revenge, as well as idolatry, covetousness, theft and sexual immorality.
If we stand for our covenant marriage, our motivation has to be right — we have to dread the idea of our God-joined one-flesh being cast into the lake of fire so much that we are determined to go the distance in what will seem like endless deprivation. We have to dread the idea that our children and grandchildren are likely to emulate our example of something that could send them to hell, unless they have the chance to observe us drawing a durable moral line in the sand. Above all, we can’t presume to give the Ruler of All Heaven and Earth a selfish time limit before we go and jeopardize yet another person’s soul by purporting to “marry” them when we are already joined for life in holy matrimony by GOD.
There’s much I can say about the appearance that your wife is “blessed” while “married” to somebody Jesus repeatedly called an adulterer. To gain some perspective, I suggest you read all of Luke, chapter 16; think deeply about everything Jesus was saying in that rich chapter and how it all ties together. The part about unrighteous mammon (following the world system), about John the Baptist who was beheaded for warning a pair of remarriage adulterers to repent or face hell and what Jesus thought about that, and finally the story of the rich man and Lazarus, thinking about how that relates to your exclusive one-flesh and the counterfeit she is “married” to.
But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. – Matthew 5:44-45
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. – Galatians 6:7-8
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SIFC: When we sow peas, we don’t reap corn. We usually reap much later than we sow, and normally, we reap much more than we sow. When the covenant wife “divorces” her husband, she takes herself out of the God-ordained covering-and-authority structure that includes her God-joined husband with God over him, which is also planting a “seed”, of sorts. That act [unrepented], too, is a “work” that is demonstrating her “faith”, is it not? God’s mercy toward her may be because she was never taught any better, but we cannot say.)
And if you have not been faithful in the use of that which is another’s, who will give you that which is your own? No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.” Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, were listening to all these things and were scoffing at Him. And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.” – Luke 16:12-15
In Hades he lifted up his eyes, being in torment, and *saw Abraham far away and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried out and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus so that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool off my tongue, for I am in agony in this flame.’ But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that during your life you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus bad things; but now he is being comforted here, and you are in agony. – Luke 16:23-25
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” – Matthew 7:13-14
Truly, I say to you, “they have their reward in full.” – Matthew 6: 2, 5, and 16
Finally, Page Fan, do remember that God joins and honors valid mixed and pagan marriages as indissoluble, equally as He does “Christian” marriages. However, if anyone in this scenario is unsaved, not born again, remarriage adultery won’t be the primary reason they wind up in hell. Nobody can afford to put the cart before the horse. I hope you will recognize these women in your life, and all the children, as souls first who need Jesus more than anything else.
Blessings, Page Fan, and I hope this helps.
www.standerinfamilycourt.com
7 Times Around the Jericho Wall | Let’s Repeal No-Fault Divorce!
How should we respond to our churches and pastors that in many ways follow the Word of God but not in this one? Why is there such blindness? There is a young woman at my church who just remarried. She has two small children. I have no idea if her divorce was a mutual decision or what the circumstances were. I do not wish to judge her without knowing. I am certain if she was involved with a woman or had a live-in boyfriend, our church would rightly call those sins and exercize discipline. I suppose my church takes the same approach I heard in my youth…basically that divorce and remarriage is generally wrong with some exceptions and also that remarriage isn’t something to repent from. It makes me sad (though I am also certainly sad for whatever sin caused the divorce). Thanks for reading my post and also being faithful to Scripture, even when it comew with a cost.
Thanks for your question, Marie. If you read scripture carefully and you become educated about what the early church leaders who were discipled by the original Apostles actually taught, it becomes abundantly plain that Jesus was not only saying that divorce of an original (never married or widowed man / woman with the same) holy matrimony union that God has joined is not only IMMORAL, He was actually saying that such a divorce is NOT ACTUALLY POSSIBLE through human means. Only death severs the supernatural one-flesh entity, and only death removes God as a party to that holy matrimony union. The only reason you hear about “exceptions” at all is false teaching in the church that has prevailed since the days of Erasmus and Luther in the early 16th century. Put another way, the only truly biblical “exception” to divorce is to repent of a sinful subsequent “marriage” that is either sodomous or undertaken while an estranged true spouse is still alive, and the only biblical “exception” to remarry is to reconcile with that estranged covenant spouse.
Most evangelical churches are apostate with regard to this matter. They operate according to either greed or the fear of man, or a combination of both. It is possible that this woman’s first husband was estranged from a true God-joined wife, and she married a widowed or never-married man the second time. That would be the only circumstance where she is not living in adultery as a result of remarrying.
I’m someone who married a divorced man (I was his 2nd marriage and he was my first) we had children and are now divorced. Was our marriage real? Would that type of marriage ever be looked upon as real by the Lord God or was it a fake marriage and basically us just committing adultery? If it was fake then I technically have never had a covenant marriage and if I was to remarry that would be my first and covenant marriage?
Julie, I believe your assessment is correct, and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. The good news is that you are free to marry a widowed or never-married Christian man, if the Lord so leads. Please keep studying this for yourself and keep seeking the Lord. God bless!
A brother in my church sent me to a website, tamedivorce.com, after some discussion over this issue. What’s there changed his mind and maybe my own… It says the defilement in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 is equivalent to adultery – which means remarriage after divorce always was adulterous. Jesus, a Jew, wasn’t changing the Law he was emphasizing the sin in it. Have you heard of this? What do you think?
Hello, Dan. To be honest, I’m not completely sure I understand your question. My best understanding of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 is reflected in my earlier blog:
https://www.standerinfamilycourt.com/2016/02/stop-abusing-the-indecency-in-deuteronomy-24-the-debunk-series-part-2/
Thank you for responding. I guess my question is (I read your blog on Deuteronomy 24, thanks.) is the Hebrew word for the defilement in Deuteronomy 24:4, tame, equivalent to adultery? The website makes what seems to be a strong case that Jesus was reminding the Jews of that sin rather than stating something new. I even found a commentary on biblehub.com that says the same thing. (Barnes’ notes on the bible.) Do you think it’s true that Jesus was referring to Deuteronomy 24:4 in his NT statements? Thanks again for your time.
Dan, as far as I can tell, it was Deut. 22 that was associated with both fornication and adultery as Moses laid it down, not Deut. 24. In my opinion, since the penalty for sexual sins was stoning (so that the one-flesh union would be broken by death to enable remarriage), and not divorce originally, adultery is ruled out as a covenant-breaker, and as the original topic of Deut. 24.
Deut. 24 appears to have originally dealt with only non-capital causes for dismissal by bill of divorcement soon after the attempted consummation. But after Moses was gone, the rabbis became generally averse to stoning, and from time to time, occupiers also would ban stoning, so the rabbis expanded divorce to apply any time a wife was surplus for whatever reason and however much time had passed in the marriage . This grossly violated the principle of one-flesh and resulted in serial polygamy that went well beyond the law of Moses – we know this because of the rebuke in Malachi 2. I still maintain that the defilement (at least while Moses was on the scene) was due to something that was a defilement both before and after the first wedding. The “uncleanness” was called “ervah dabar” (literally, “a naked thing”) . I am attaching a link to a document by a scholar friend that is a deep dive into that aspect. https://lookaside.fbsbx.com/file/DEUT%2024.1%20ervah%20incest%2031X%20-%20MY%20NOTES%282%29.pdf?token=AWzj9UfA4liRvvZ31PJkzoJz6R-C5ynps77slFaL5PiYJ3Nazd_OxJH0rmuAlJl3LWL8122m6gYvG9kl5_MIRCLXe2c76p8ZzLs33BzmWSin6–4XjHArtg51dI68b7P11VBFB9wBcQWdDq2CdZkbH8T
While I agree that the uncleanness had to be something of an intimate nature that was discoverable upon the attempt to consummate, it is unlikely Moses meant non-virginity, which would have carried a capital penalty. For this same reason, I don’t think it was adultery, discovered some years in (until later, under the rabbis).
I think it is highly unlikely that Deut. 24 and Matthew 19 are speaking of adultery, as laid down by Moses. I checked out the link you pointed to, and believe it is heresy. It severely contradicts the core of what Jesus said in Matt. 19:6,8 establishing the inseverable, supernatural God-joined one-flesh entity that had actually always been the case since the Garden wedding, and declaring that the man-made construct of “divorce” or “dissolving” holy matrimony had never been from God, and isn’t actually possible at all. That “tame” theory also claims that “remarriage” after “divorce” breaks the covenant, so it severely contradicts what Paul echoes twice, that nothing short of physical death severs this one-flesh state or breaks the covenant.
It has been my experience that all marriage heresies deny the inseverability of the one-flesh state and, in effect, claim that God creates a new one-flesh entity while a prior one-flesh mate is still living (see the illustration in the blog post above). They also assume (blasphemously) that God has such low character that He renegs on His participation in the covenant, even though no scholar has ever been able to conclusively show that He has ever failed to uphold a unconditional covenant to which He was a party in all of scripture. Since adultery does not break the covenant nor sever the one-flesh state, there is nothing, in my opinion to prevent one-flesh original spouses from reconciling, since God recognizes neither the “divorce” nor the “remarriage”. His Son says numerous times this is ongoing adultery, and for that to be the case, somebody has to still be married despite man’s laws, yes?
Very sorry, but I cannot agree with you. I suppose this man at your church is divorced and remarried (that is, living in the ongoing state of adultery ) ?
Thanks for again for your reply, he’s not (neither am I), but that’s what we were discussing divorce and remarriage in the church. What do you think about the fact that God forbids a person to remarry their former spouse after remarriage in Deuteronomy 24:4? Doesn’t that make it impossible to fulfill their lifetime vows? Thanks again for your time.
As I’ve stated unequivocally many times and given ample biblical evidence to back it up, I believe it is heresy to say that any of the 613 Mosaic regulations apply to believers (or unbelievers, even) today — as contrasted with the 10 Commandments. I also believe the claim that “God forbids a person to remarry their former spouse” is categorically false with regard to our sole, God-joined one-flesh ORIGINAL spouse, since both Jesus and Paul made repeatedly clear that adultery does NOT sever the supernatural one-flesh bond, but only physical death does. It’s only true with regard to a subsequent faux spouse whom God cannot join a person to due to the estranged prior spouse still living. You really, really, really need to forget about that one, Dan. It’s false in every possible way.
I was married when I was 16.Really didnt understand marriage what marriage meant .my husband was into watching Pornography an was making me do the same.It was wrong we didnt really love each other He was 10 years older an we divorced after 26 years.we have 3 children that he didnt want. He has Bipolar an was mean to us all.I am remarried an am afraid Of going to hell.please let me no what to do ty.
Susan, I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through and that you’re coming to the correct biblical knowledge only after forming a relationship and a home with someone to whom God may not have joined you. You ask me what to do, and I can only point you in the direction that others in your situation have walked, and give you a few resources to get you started in seeking Him about it. I’m really glad that you are open to doing what you can to make it right with the Lord. I’ve not personally been in your situation, but I know many others who have been, and who repented.
First things first. Your journey must begin with complete surrender of your life to Christ’s lordship, trusting that He died to justify you and cleanse you of your past sins, and committing yourself to pursuing a life of growing toward holiness, seeking first His kingdom and starting to look at life choices with eternity in mind, willing to learn and obey His word in everything. This is (for everyone) always step 1 of avoiding hell, and instead, taking loved ones to heaven with you. Motivated by ensuring you are in Christ, step 2 is to get deeply into God’s word and take some time to study God’s word about the indissolubility of covenant marriage, finding truthful sources of encouragement. This is a very hard step, because not only do most pastors lie about the nature of man’s divorce, and wrongly encourage remarriage adultery, they will (falsely) claim you are repeating your sin of divorce if you attempt to repent of the remarriage adultery by severing that false relationship. You must be firmly convicted of the biblical truth because almost everyone in your life will oppose this kind of repentance. Even if your pastor is willing to admit you are living in ongoing adultery, he is likely to claim that the worst than can happen if you stay in it is the “loss of rewards”. Most evangelical pastors teach that you cannot lose your salvation (once saved, always saved), but Paul and the other apostles taught that you can harden your heart by continuing in disobedience, and walk away from the faith. Jesus Himself taught that He would tell the willfully disobedient some day, “I never knew you.” Bottom line, if you have a pastor, and this pastor does weddings over people who have living, estranged spouses, he is sinning and will be offended at being exposed in this sin.
You mention that your first husband is 10 years older than you. By any chance, was he divorced from someone else before you married him? If so, it could be that your first marriage wasn’t valid in the Lord’s eyes, and if your second husband didn’t have an estranged true wife before you married him, it’s possible your second marriage is the one that is valid. Forget all the evangelical nonsense you hear about who was saved and / or who committed sexual immorality — Jesus and Paul both told us this has never been about any “exceptions”. When you put Christ first and get deeply enough into God’s word, this becomes very plain: God joins a never-married or widowed man to a never-married or widowed woman, and they supernaturally become one-flesh during the ceremony. If either party is not eligible because they are already inseverably one-flesh with a prior spouse, the God-joining does not occur. If the marriage is invalid for this reason, the parties live in ongoing adultery even if they get along better, and even if there are children of the invalid union. One thing to remember about repenting of remarriage adultery is that it gives your current partner an opportunity to repent and avoid hell as well, rather than die in the sin of adultery.
Step 3 is to unconditionally forgive your true husband, even if he doesn’t seek your forgiveness, and care about his eternity. Please take time to read Matthew 18:23-35 to understand why. If he is also in an adulterous subsequent relationship, care for him by praying him out of it and praying for the healing of his mind. Honor Christ by being open to reconciliation and wholeness some day of your covenant family, and pray that the Lord will soften the hearts of your children to respect and forgive him. If you don’t feel you can love him in this way, ask the Lord to change your heart and his.
I’m now going to point you to some sound resources for the journey. Check out these websites: cadz.net and marriagedivorce.com
Recommended books: “Have You Not Read?” by Casey Whitaker
“One Flesh” by Joe Fogel
“Til Death Do Us Part” by Dr. Joseph Webb
Recommended marriage permanence pastors: Stephen Wilcox, Joseph Webb, Gino Jennings, Ray McMahon, Chuck Crismeir (all of these have a FB and youTube presence, and some can be brought up in the search on this blog site).
Recommended Facebook group link:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/979794565469525/ Testimonies of Repentance from Adulterous Marriages
Some other Christian ladies (and there are also men) who have exited adulterous remarriages, whom you can “friend” on facebook: Sharon Henry, Cheryl Daniels, Cheryl Elaine Branch, Julie Stephenson. I know all of these ladies personally.
May God bless you in this and make a way for all of it to come right.
My fiance are about to get married in a few week’s time. He instigated the divorce of his first marriage a number of years ago as his wife was unfaithful to him a couple of times during the marriage and asked him to leave the home as she no longer wished to remain married to him. She then moved a man in – naturally he was broken. His first wife got married a few years ago to this man. We started our relationship in sin but have since come to the Lord – I thought I was doing the right thing in God’s eyes by getting married. Now I am absolutely terrified and confused that I am doing wrong and whenever these thoughts come over me I feel just crippled with fear and condemned . I have asked the Lord for an answer but I hear nothing – I pray every day about this – this has kept me awake at night and I also went through a period of condemnation about this a few months ago – I am terrified of disobeying the Lord . Just for the record I have never been married. Please help – I have to push these thoughts away from my mind just to function every day and remain level headed.
Sarah, thank you for being honest about your situation and for writing. I am absolutely certain that the Lord has far better for you than a life of ongoing adultery with another living woman’s God-joined husband, EVEN IF that woman is also presently living in adultery. Man’s paper cannot declare moral what Jesus was clear is immoral! You prayed, then you came across this post — this that not conceivably His answer?
I am 100% sure that if Jesus, or John the Baptizer, or Peter, or Paul or James were standing in front of you, they would tell you in no uncertain terms that you must not marry this man while the wife of his youth is alive. If you have a pastor telling you it’s OK, he’s directly contradicting all of them. The Lord will heal your heart and help you to function once you’ve broken off this illicit relationship.
Forgive me if I’m wrong about this part: could the very difficult emotions be due to premarital sexual involvement with this man (i.e. already disobeying God on an ongoing basis)? You must factor that in, and when you repent, you will feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders. Next time, look for a godly man who loves Jesus even more than he loves you. He won’t be sleeping with you ahead of the wedding, and he will become your covenant husband, and yours alone. In case you’ve commented without reading the blog in full: your fiancé’s “divorce papers” have no standing with God, and dissolved nothing. Nor did his wife’s infidelity nor her subsequent “marriage” sever the exclusive God-joined entity His hand created between them, which will therefore not be created between you and this man, which only physical death can sever.
I’d like to share a Psalm with you that shows what living in disobedience did to King David’s emotions before he repented:
How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
2
How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!
3
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
4
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.
5
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah.
6
Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.
7
You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.
8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go;
I will counsel you with My eye upon you.
9
Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding,
Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check,
Otherwise they will not come near to you.
10
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him.
11
Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones;
And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.
PSALM 32
Before closing, I’d like to also point you to a Facebook resource, which is a page dedicated to the many testimonies of people getting out of adulterous remarriages: https://www.facebook.com/groups/979794565469525/ Every one of these would tell you how blessed you are not to be in that situation yet, and how much trauma they had to go through to repent and be right with God again.
I understand….i am in the same mess…..andrew
Sarah talk to God not man. First off its not constant adultery. Adultery is cause for divorce but these ministries which just started this movement of no divorce ever are pushing things that arent true and always want you to follow scripture and what it says if it fits their narrative but not this clause, they always have some silly reason when it’s very clear.. If this man treats you good, is godly now, and all of that but that’s the only thing holding you back I’d say you are condemning yourself as I used to for everything. Their is no condemnation in Christ. That’s how you know it’s from the enemy when you’re feeling condemned. You would not feel condemned or worried but convicted and certain as confusion is not of God!
Thanks. I was looking at the post above from a lady called Julie. Is my situation different to that? It says in the response that she is free to remarry. The first marriage of my fiance was not a church marriage. I don’t know if that makes a difference. I am just trying to understand.
I see Julie’s comment below, and my response. Yes, she is like you in this situation, but she is someone who repented and divorced out of her remarriage adultery after not knowing any better, after she learned the truth. Julie was never joined as one-flesh to this divorced man, and neither will you be if you marry one. It is this adulterer you are engaged to who is not free to remarry, in God’s eyes.
I repeat that it doesn’t sound as if you’ve read much of the blog, since this post goes into detail about when God creates an inseverable one-flesh union and when He does not due to the fact that it is adultery against a living prior spouse to whom one of the parties is still joined inseverably. I made that clear in my first response and in the blog. Were Adam and Eve married in a church? Or Mr. & Mrs. Potiphar? Or Ahab and Jezebel? Or Herod and his true wife? Herodias and her true husband, Phillip?
The only person who is free to remarry after man’s divorce without it being adultery is a widowed person, or someone who came out of an adulterous union in repentance who was not previously married. (You for example, if you go ahead and marry this already-married person, then later repent. Don’t try it — none of us knows whether we will live long enough to repent or we will die early and unexpectedly.)
Hi There
In November 2017 my husband told me we were in an adulterous marriage. It was very traumatic and I didn’t believe him. He has had 3 affairs during the past year and I thought this was just another story. On Sunday I read your articles and got the confirmation I needed. Today we went to court and filed for divorce.
I am his 4th wife. He has been divorced each time. I divorced my first husband and was widowed from my second after 20 years. I remarried 6 years ago.
My husband claims he can remarry as the Bible does not stipulate that a man has to have only one wife but its suggests one is better. He says as a divorced man he can remarry a widow or someone who has never been married? He also says I cannot remarry until my first husband dies – this I understand but do the “laws” differ for divorced men and women?
Laura, I’m sorry for all you’ve been through. As difficult as it is, it is good that you are getting out of that unlawful union. To answer your question, your husband is NOT correct that he may engage in any sort of polygamy, be it consecutive or concurrent polygamy, based on OT, pre-Christ concessions. It’s true that Mosaic marital regulations drifted away from God’s design for holy matrimony, and created different rules for men than for women. It is NOT true that under the rule and reign of Jesus, this continues to be the case. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said that unless our righteousness exceeds that of the Pharisees, none of us will see heaven. Your noncovenant husband sounds like a self-worshipper who desperately needs to repent. He sounds religious, but not saved. In the eyes of the Lord, you are still a one-flesh entity with your first husband, if he is still alive, and you were not joined by the Lord to either of the two men you subsequently “married”. I pray that you will care about the soul of your true husband, and that the Lord will transform and deliver him from whatever it was you decided to divorce him for all those years ago.
Blessings as you find your way in the days ahead.
Great! But the issue is pornea and adultery as to the areas of context etc that you speak. You would be correct to state marriage is one + one = one forever. You seem to suggest pornea is altered by modern teachers. To which I agree. I think fornication is actually with prostitutes. Or simply lustful sex. But what EXACTLY Is adultery and that is what you should rigorously define. Is it possible to love another while married and it be true love and caring not lust and lead to sex and that be HELL??? For me…that would violate the condition of the heart..love should not send you to hell. So while I understand you are totally correct..marriage is permanent…what I cannot convert from the greek or Hebrew is the TRUE definition of the word. ADULTERER. It would seem a fornicator is an ummarried person dealing in lust and an adulterer is a married person dealing in lust…how about if you are married and make true love to a person you love??? with no component of LUST as in doing porn. Is that truly adultery and can it stand scriptural rigor????
Hello, Paul. You suggest that “standerinfamilycourt” should “rigorously define” adultery. Why, since Jesus, the true authority, already did so quite plainly? See Matt. 5:28-31, Matthew 19:9b and Luke 16:18b.
Furthermore, the adultery Jesus was primarily speaking of was not a fling or a one-time act only, but in its most damning form, an unrepentant, ongoing state. You (flippantly, in my opinion) suggest that you can be in a God-joined, supernatural one-flesh union with the wife of your youth, and violate that union by sleeping with another woman you supposedly “love” without it (according to you) being adultery. No, sir. You are confusing love with USE and with self-worship. This is no different to the Most High than the “love” in a sodomous relationship.
If you truly love this other woman, you would not lust after her when you are not available to commit to her, which will be true for as long as your actual wife is alive. Even if you discarded your covenant, which even you admit is for life, YOU would be the cause of the OW’s damnation as well as your own. If you can’t see this, you are remanufacturing a “God” to suit your own willfulness. You imply that God has no “right” to send anyone to hell for lustful feelings, covetousness and crass ingratitude to Him for the wife He has joined you to. How presumptuous! ALL unrepentant states of sin send people to hell, and you don’t get a vote in the matter, sorry to say. Jesus also made it plain that this is a sin against both God, AND against your one-flesh wife. Pursuing an intimate relationship outside holy matrimony not only leads to inevitable lying and treachery, but also opens both illicit partners up to soul-rot and demonic control. Is that something you do to somebody you supposedly “love”, Paul? I think not!
The word Jesus used for adultery is moicheia in the Greek, na’aph in the Hebrew. If you are interested in the concordance references, here are some links:
https://biblehub.com/greek/3431.htm
https://biblehub.com/hebrew/5003.htm
To the Jews, adultery was the violation of another man’s wife, but be aware that Jesus explicitly made the genders equal in the matter:
And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”
Biblical adultery is any bringing of defilement (adulteration) to the lifelong covenant marriage bed, such as what you claim is “love”. People who love Jesus enough to make heaven simply don’t think in the terms you’ve expressed, Paul.
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:4
You can drill further in for context, with this link: https://biblehub.com/interlinear/hebrews/13-4.htm
I suggest you do so on the word “undefiled”, as well as the word “adultery”.
Finally, your question is irrelevant to this post because this post wasn’t dealing with lascivious behavior that violates the marriage covenant but leaves it civilly intact. This post was dealing with the violence and treachery of shredding one’s covenant family to “marry” a present or future adultery partner, and with taking one’s own revenge against a prodigal spouse by “marrying” another person while the prodigal is still alive.
Slanderinfamilycourt:
I am someone who has been trying to rekindle his faith in Christ through repenting from all sin. My mother and father have been in an adulterous relationship since 1980. They lived together for several years and then got married in ’88. I thought that their marriage was valid, but my dad had gone through a divorce before he met her, so my mother wound up “marrying” a divorced man.
I never truly pondered the matter until just a few hours ago…The Father put it into my heart and made me understand for the first time. My dad is not a believer, while my mom claims to be one. But they are clearly both adulterers.
Would their marriage somehow be valid in His eyes if my dad’s first wife passed away, and then they renewed their wedding vows? Or would such a scenario, unlikely as it would be, not work retroactively?
They have been together for almost 40 years. If the scenario I mentioned would have no effect, is their only hope of salvation (apart from repentance in Christ) in leaving each other?
Also, Christ in fact said that in order to be His disciple, one must place Him first, even above one’s own mother and father. How do I honor the both of them, given all that I’ve mentioned? They need to know about their sin. Should I even still keep them in my life? Would that honor them? Or is it possible to make one’s own parents an idol as well?
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Kyle, thanks for your questions, and I do apologize for taking a few days to reply.
You are so right to focus first on your parents’ souls. So many people in your situation take offense at being told this truth, and they use the politics of taking emotional offense (“You’re saying that I should never have been born!!”) You are to be commended for being wise enough not to do that.
You raise several excellent questions. Among them you ask, “Would their marriage somehow be valid in His eyes if my dad’s first wife passed away, and then they renewed their wedding vows? Or would such a scenario, unlikely as it would be, not work retroactively?”
To the first question, we’d respond, yes – conditionally. To the second question, the only biblical answer is no. Let me explain.
Their original marriage was never joined by God, because to this day, your father remains exclusively joined by God to his true wife, and not your mother, regardless of his or her spritual condition. If your father’s true wife were to pass away, and there was no recognition that he’s been living in a sinful union, no effort to make whatever restitution is still possible to his covenant offspring (if any), etc., and there is no second wedding ceremony, your mother and father still will not have a holy matrimony union in God’s eyes, and the adultery goes unforgiven. If, however, your parents do come to this conviction and obey by separating at some point before or after his true wife has passed away, until such time as they can be joined by God’s hand upon now-valid vow, they will then have a holy matrimony union that is inseverable until death. However, since your dad is not a believer, is it really right for your mom to remain yoked to him, even if his true wife passes away? See Luke 14:26. Your mother would have a real dilemma on her hands in deciding to remain yoked to an unbeliever if your dad does not surrender his life to Christ by then, even though God would indeed join them.
Former attorney / Pastor Chuck Crismeier has written a great outline on the steps of repent of remarriage adultery, that you might find helpful.
http://saveus.org/wp-content/uploads/marriage_divorce_remarriage_3-16.pdf
Of course, you first priority is to keep praying for your dad’s salvation, since remarriage adulterer or not, he’s surely lost without Christ. Until that event occurs, none of the rest of it is likely to make any sense to him at all. Pray for the Holy Spirit to draw him and bring him into conviction of his sins.
If you have children, Kyle, there’s something else for you to think about: generational sin in the family. Your children (unfortunately) need to know as they grow up that their grandparents’ “marriage” is not valid in God’s eyes, or they will be at risk of emulating remarriage adultery as a “normal” behavior. May you find the grace and strength to guard their souls as well.
You mention that you posted on Dr. G’s post about “evidence that it’s a heaven-or-hell issue, just as remaining in a sodomous relationship is for gays who claim to be believers.” I read through this entire page but I seem to be missing where this is laid out. I would be interested to understand how those two are related.
Can you also outline where the idea that remarried people will not “inherit the kingdom of God?” Is this inferred from the other scripture you outlined or a more specific place?
Hello, Tony. You say you can’t make out from this blog post where I’ve laid out where legalized adulterers (“married” under civil law only to another living person’s God-joined spouse) will join those in sodomous marriages in not inheriting the kingdom of God if either or both dies in those immoral states. I believe it is thoroughly explained in the very next paragraph after the one you describe:
“By that late evening incident in 2015, I knew that it wasn’t wrong to link 1 Cor.6:9-10 with Luke 16:18, since after all, Jesus Himself did so in verses 19-31 of Luke 16. Notice He also does so in Matthew 5:27-32, keeping in mind that when those words came out of His mouth, there was no bible committee to sanitize it by adding “helpful headings” and “suggested divisions”.
Remarriage adultery and sodomous legalized unions (especially those for which a covenant, God-joined heterosexual true marriage has been forsaken to pursue) both violate, in exactly the same way, the supernatural, one-flesh entity that can only be created by God’s hand, and can only be severed by physical death. If I quoted every scripture I cite in these blogs, posts would be insufferably longer than they already are, so one cannot just surface-read without going to the scriptures I cite but don’t list, for example Matthew 19:6 and 8. That’s lazy and it’s disrespectful, frankly, almost as much so as some people whose questions show on the surface that they haven’t read the piece at all. Most of these posts cross-reference earlier blog posts where various points have been made in deeper detail. Nothing need be “inferred” at all from what Jesus said, since He was so direct in two different places, but yes, with Paul, a certain linkage must be made between what Jesus said about remarriage adultery being ongoing sin and what Paul said about unrepentant adulterers not inheriting the kingdom of God. What Jesus repeatedly called ongoing adultery, therefore cannot at the same time be legitimate marriage, or God would have done the joining, and as a result, Jesus would have had no reason to repeatedly warn of the eternal danger).
I question whether it is possible to read the entire post, look up the scriptures, and still reasonably claim I didn’t support this truth, unless something like distorted Calvinist / Lutheran doctrine is getting in the way (which wouldn’t be at all unusual!) If you still feel you need further guidance, please try following those embedded links or use the topical metafile tags accessed by scrolling down the lefthand side of the screen. I have also blogged extensively on the related false doctrine, “once saved, always saved”, the false belief that dying in a state of remarriage adultery will only result in a “loss of rewards” at worst – the search box will lead you to those posts.
I’m curious to hear your perspective in regards to David’s adulterous relationship with Bathsheba.
It’s my understanding that David was “a man after God’s own heart”.
So we’re reduced to hiding our consecutive polygamy behind David, are we? I’m afraid that’s going to boil down to the same old argument your mama had about jumping off a cliff!
David lived his entire life offering up twice daily bloody ritual sacrifices atoning for his ongoing disobedience to God’s specific commandment to His kings not to multiply wives to themselves (Deut. 17:17), and living in concurrent polygamy. Unfortunately, when Christ arrived on the scene, that option was no longer on offer from God. People who ask this question are showing that they profoundly misunderstand the content of the sermon on that mount, especially Matthew 5.
It’s also instructive to look at the end of David’s life and see the signs of repentance. His relationship with the entire harem of “wives” and concubines had run its course to the extent that they had to hire a celibate nurse to attend chastely to his need to remain warm in his sickbed (1 Kings 1:1-4). Back in his 50’s he had paid dearly for his lechery and covetousness, as the prophet Nathan warned David that the sword would never depart from his house — his children murdered and raped each other, and one son even tried to murder him at one point, but he wasn’t done paying even when he took his last breath: shortly after Solomon’s death, the kingdom was split in two, and most of the kings that followed Solomon were so wicked that God finally gave both kingdoms over to the Assyrians and Babylonians for 70 years, nearly levelling Jerusalem. When God looks into a heart and says “this is a man after my own heart, He’s seeing from beginning to end. He is never putting a stamp of approval on immoral behavior that His word condemns.
Still want to trade places with David? You’ll have to sign up for the whole package, from beginning to end, Rob.
I’m very sorry if I offended you. I am very new in the Christian faith and was just looking for your perspective. I’m single and always have been. The reason I asked was for guidance on the subject to share with a friend.
Ephesians 4:15
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
And I’m sorry for taking a tone that made you think you had offended me. Your scripture admonition was a good reminder.
I hope I gave you a good answer that will be helpful to your friend because this is a very serious matter. If you have a friend in an adulterous relationship, especially where they think man’s paper has made it OK, about the best you can do is encourage them to study deeply for themselves. There are many in-depth articles in this blog that should be helpful about how to do that skillfully. If your friend is not a believer, it may be a very difficult conversation. It is difficult enough with those who claim Christ, because we’ve had 50 years of wicked teaching and practice coming from most pulpits on the subject.
Has my life been cursed to a point because my dad married my divorced mother, my own children cursed because of my remariage? Even my grandmother remarried and ALL of us remarried while the ex’s were alive? After coming into this information last August 2018 my divorce was final January 31. 2019, after almost 25 years living life with a wonderful man, excellent step dad and my best friend, we threw “great sorrow” and repentance ended what we thought was marriage. I asked God why after all these years did you invade my mind with this adultery thing? What do we tell the kids, dear God thank you for us escaping hell but now what? Im 56, poor health and for the first time I cant pull my own weight financially as I have always done so and more, much more. I’m guessing this is the part the scriptures say “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” I told Jeff your not going to hell because of me and let’s not make our so called marriage an idle…We are in roommate limbo never did share the same bed or bedroom…he snores and I have a very strange on call work schedule, thanks to my hysterectomy with huge complications 12 years ago i’ve low to zero sex drive and Jeffs not doing to great in that area as well…we both say oh well MEANING I think God was easing us into this break up, looking back is was perfect and gradual. Anyway I was thinking if satan had some kind of deep hidden stronghold for all these years has now been broken. What say you on the matter. Melissa Colorado
Melissa, so very sorry not to have seen this earlier. Usually “standerinfamilycourt” gets an email, but has been tinkering lately with the site, and probably messed up a setting. So not “techhie”! I know your question must feel very excruciating to you, so I do regret the delay in responding.
You related: ” I asked God why after all these years did you invade my mind with this adultery thing.” That, in and of itself, is a sure sign that you are NOT permanently cursed, nor are your future generations if you do what the word of God tells you to do about it. Sounds like you’re making an excellent start! You’ve been given an opportunity not only to escape hell, but grow close enough in the Lord to the kingdom of God to take spiritual authority over the Prince of the Power of the Air, and over all his demons and principalities (Ephesians 6) – don the full armor of God, and declare to satan that the sin ends right here in your generation. At 56, you’re part of the sandwich generation, and you have a unique opportunity to model repentance to two generations, perhaps even reversing the curse in both. Though it cost your material goods, this could very well restore your physical health, and where the Lord leads, He also provides for our needs when we ask, seek and knock. I’d like to suggest a couple of supportive resources for you in addition to our blog, if you’re on facebook, and one more in case you’re not.
The FB page is for support of people repentantly exiting adulterous legal unions:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/979794565469525/
You can request to join this page in order to post and comment, but you must answer all of the screening questions and read the posting policy before you will be admitted. You cannot add others to this page (deleted automatically) — they must request to join and also answer the questions. One of the testimonies you will find on this page is from Sharon Henry, an author who got out of a 17-year marriage with another woman’s husband about 6 years ago, and did receive a physical healing as a result. Another is by a lady who runs the next FB page I’m going to recommend, Julie Stephenson of the UK. Julie had two (now nearly grown) children in her long marriage to another woman’s husband, and repented out of that at great personal economic hardship (as did Sharon, actually). Julie is the owner of this page – which is open to marriage permanence disciples from any country:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1566792776867950/
Melissa, I wish I could say you don’t have a long road ahead of you. You probably do. However, I do know that God is faithful and does not desire that any should perish, but everyone come to the knowledge of the truth. One further quick word before signing off here: I hope you’re able to respect Jeff’s 1st and 14th amendment rights by not forcing a unilateral petition on him. It would be best if the two of you agree all terms together so that you can obey Paul’s instructions in 1 Cor. 6:1-8 and stay out of the pagan, blood-sucking “family court” as much as possible. Ideally, you’d have a joint petition and use mediation to the extent necessary. Godspeed, Melissa!
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
2 Cor. 10:4-5
WELL THEN THERES NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR…IM GOING TO HELL……ME AND 40 CALIBUR SMITH AND WESSON HAVE TO TALK FOR THE LAST TIME.
WAS MARRIED 4 TIMES
1ST WASNT A CHRISTIAN AND AT THAT TIME NEITHER WAS I
2…WANTED A WOMAN JUST USED ME FOR CONVIENCE
3 WAS CERTIFIED CRAZY
4…SHE IS A CHRISTIAN…HER HUSBAND DIED…AND I TOOK HER IN AND MARRIED HER
…..DONT KNOW WHY IM TELLING YOU ALL THIS
BUT I GUESS IT DOSENT MATTER ANY MORE
THROUGH ALL THAT I BEEN THROUGH…I COMMITTED SUICIDE AND WAS BROUGHT BACK WAS IN A COMA FOR THREE WEEKS….BUT I GUESS MY BEING BROUGHT BACK WAS FOR NOTHING….SIGNED MR BROKEN HEART AND SOUL… I WOULD ASK THE LORD FOR MERCY…BUT TO NO AVAIL.
“Standerinfamilycourt” assumes that you are still drawing breath, sir, since you obviously had enough life in you to whine your indignation at God’s law in ALL CAPS. Your problem (to the extent that’s it’s possible to coherently make it out) seems to be that you are looking backwards instead of forwards. Precisely what prevents you from repenting and forsaking whatever immoral relationship you’re in now?
Why do you presume that using your gun on yourself is preferable to making Jesus alone sufficient in your life? Until that’s not such a burden for you, you can count on all your relationships to reliably fail, which is your personal choice.
It’s true that there are plenty of milquetoast pastors out there who would (falsely) claim that “getting saved” dissolved your original marriage covenant — but not Jesus.
https://www.standerinfamilycourt.com/2016/02/mr-or-mrs-new-creation-hasnt-passed-away-stop-abusing-1-cor-517-the-debunk-series-part-7/
Unless #1 was a divorced woman with a living husband at the time you married her, it’s as much a sin to die willfully estranged from her as it is to covet and take another man’s wife. She is still your true wife in God’s eyes, and you should have more concern than you do for her soul, if you’re really a “Christian”.
But…I’m assuming from your rant that you only read long enough to get offended, but not long enough to be motivated to study this for yourself and seek the Lord for what to do. Instead, you prefer to be an emotional bully howling to get your way. The other population that relies on this tactic is the unregenerated gender-disordered, because they, like you, have no sustainable argument from scripture that justifies their rebellion against His authority.
I don’t personally like the term “Christian” because it’s so misused by people who are not submitted to His authority these days. Christians used to be people who followed Christ…until the false religion of sexual entitlement invaded the church. (Matthew 19:12)
what if the shoe was on your foot
and you had a wife that you were married to
and she could not take care of herself
and that she relied on you.
and for that matter my first wife did remarry again.
i cant beileve that God would want me to run out on this one and to hurt her in such a way.
you say this and that but havent walked in the shoes of the ones going through it or have gone through it
i know in my heart
that God is mercy…and bestowes mercy
i have repented
i have confessed and have asked for forgiveness.
im not making excuses then i have to live what life i have yet with it.
but to belittle someone in the way you do..thats not right
they already know in there heart..and hurting from it…
where is the compassion in it.
What good, Robert, is temporal “compassion” if you go for that, and it keeps you and these women out of heaven?
We don’t repent when we’re “sorry”, we repent when we get out of the sin. We aren’t forgiven for saying “sorry”, then refusing to forgive our exclusive one-flesh mate who’s still living (Matt. 18:23-35).
SIFC has been very patient with you, as un-Christlike as your comments have been, and given that you still haven’t read the whole post, or you’d at least be aware of its scriptural basis, and would investigate for yourself instead of verbally abusing us. It’s your choice, absolutely, whether you worship yourself or you worship Jesus with your life. All we can do on this site is give you the tools to study this deeply, and encourage you to do so.
It’s unfortunate that we have to do the job that pastors refuse to do because they don’t care enough about souls anymore, only wallets. No godly pastor would have done ANY of your subsequent weddings 60 years ago, because they used to fear God. Your wife may have “remarried” in the eyes of the world, but Jesus would call her an adulteress if she’s still with this person, just as today you are an unrepentant adulterer. You are gambling with your eternity (and other people’s) that neither Jesus nor Paul meant what they repeatedly said. We don’t think that’s too likely.
And why to you feel you have to stay in sin with someone just to carry out your agreement to care for this widow? “Do not be deceived, no (unrepentant, still illicitly involved) adulterer has any inheritance in the kingdom of God.”
It’s clear you’re still relying on emotional manipulation rather than submitting to Christ’s commandment. You’ve had plenty of space already on this page to try to pull that one off, but you’re barking up the wrong tree, Robert. As stated before, this page is only a messenger not your judge. Until your heart’s in a different place, “standerinfamilycourt” will not be accepting any more of your comments or complaints. We wish you well, Robert.
Is it a sin to live with someone when you both have been through a divorce. Can we sleep in separate rooms, do Bible study, have playdates with her children and mine? Is there a chance we can remarry if by some Divine reason our spouses who left us behind were to pass away?
Shawn, thank you for your response. This particular post tends to alarm and trigger people with questions and comments before they’ve read the piece all the way through. When that happens, they usually miss the answers to their own questions. I do think that’s the case with your questions, which I will combine the response to.
First, we need to clarify whether your estranged marriage was indeed a marriage in God’s eyes to begin with. Was she the wife of your youth, and you the husband of hers? Were either of you married and “divorced” from anyone else who was still living at the time you two married? If both of you were previously unmarried or widowed, then God’s hand formed a supernatural, instantaneous one-flesh entity between you that is severable only by physical death (not adultery, not “divorce”, not “remarriage”). In other words, the reason your other relationship is adultery is because the two of you are still married until somebody dies. (Ditto with regard to your adulteress and her true husband.)
You go on to ask whether it’s sinful to live “platonically” with a recent adultery partner. “standerinfamilycourt” thinks you already know the answer to that one! Would Jesus approve of you sharing your house, platonically, with a demon of satan? Are you OK with Him looking deeply into your heart and seeing your motives in this for what they actually are?
Why do you suppose, Shawn, that Jesus said this, in stern and urgent warning…?
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.
Paul gives the same message, but is even more explicit with the need to FLEE:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.” But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
SIFC is going to suggest that if you persist in any kind of relationship with your adulteress (apparently, another man’s wife), there are several bad effects for you:
(1) you are continuing to keep bad, soul-corrosive company
(2) she will continue to be an idol to you, and you will continue to place her above God and the generations of your own family in your affections
(3) you will be shirking your responsibility as the husband of your wife to do what you can by example to shepherd her and your children toward heaven, and God will hold you responsible for that (not for the end result, but doing what you could with the way you live your life). 1 Cor. 11:3
(4) you will be setting an ungodly example for everyone else around you, possibly endangering the souls of neighbors, family members and many others.
I find it very troubling that you seem unwilling to pray for God to change your estranged wife’s heart toward reconciliation with you. Why not? Is anything too hard for Him? If you’re on facebook, try parking this hashtag #somuch4irreconcilabledifferences into the search box, and read what comes up.
Much wisdom in the book of Proverbs about this, Shawn:
“For the lips of an adulteress drip honey
And smoother than oil is her speech;
4
But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword.
5
Her feet go down to death,
Her steps take hold of Sheol.
6
She does not ponder the path of life;
Her ways are unstable, she does not know it.
Now then, my sons, listen to me
And do not depart from the words of my mouth.
8
Keep your way far from her
And do not go near the door of her house,
9
Or you will give your vigor to others
And your years to the cruel one;
10
And strangers will be filled with your strength
And your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien;
11
And you groan at your final end,
When your flesh and your body are consumed;
12
And you say, “How I have hated instruction!
And my heart spurned reproof!
13
“I have not listened to the voice of my teachers,
Nor inclined my ear to my instructors!
14
“I was almost in utter ruin
In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”
15
Drink water from your own cistern
And fresh water from your own well.
16
Should your springs be dispersed abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
17
Let them be yours alone
And not for strangers with you.
18
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19
As a loving hind and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
Be exhilarated always with her love.
20
For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress
And embrace the bosom of a foreigner?
21
For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord,
And He watches all his paths.
22
His own iniquities will capture the wicked,
And he will be held with the cords of his sin.
23
He will die for lack of instruction,
And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray.
And an adulteress hunts for the precious life.
27
Can a man take fire in his bosom
And his clothes not be burned?
28
Or can a man walk on hot coals
And his feet not be scorched?
29
So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.
The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense;
He who would destroy himself does it.
33
Wounds and disgrace he will find,
And his reproach will not be blotted out.
Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
Do not stray into her paths.
26
For many are the victims she has cast down,
And numerous are all her slain.
27
Her house is the way to Sheol,
Descending to the chambers of death.
(Proverbs 5, 6 and 7)
Does that sound like you can live “platonically” with another man’s wife, Shawn?
We are not doing anything romantically nor are we in a relationship. We both knew we were wrong in our adultrey and the relationship was ended. We our on our own paths to put God first in our respective lives. We are to be friends and have no desire of getting together while our respective spouses are alive. I am not saying God is not powerful enough to bring my estranged wife back to me so if or when that happens then so be it. We are focusing on being Christians, not focusing on any relationship between the both of us.
Me and my wife have both committed adultery against one another, I have repented and have chosen to be abstinent until she passes away ( She never wants to get back together and does not have any hopes of stopping her adultrey.) I met a woman (pre repentance)who I had sex with and formed a relationship with and have since broke up with her because of that adultrey. Is it a sin to be live in the same house (different rooms)with this woman without sexual or romantic tendencies? We do Bible study and we are hoping for playdates with her children as well as with my child. Can we build a life together but not in a sexual matter?
Where does Matthew 19:9 come into play?
Where does Matthew 19:9 come into play? It doesn’t….
https://www.standerinfamilycourt.com/2016/02/the-granddaddy-of-them-all-stop-abusing-matthew-199-the-debunk-series-part-5/
I am not your judge, I only warn in His behalf. You’re wasting your time justifying yourself to me or to the other readers.
I cannot see into your heart (although one of my gifts of the Holy Spirit is the discerning of spirits). I discern that you reject godly counsel and that you are not a true follower of Christ because your life is full of idols and carnality. You are nowhere near submitted to Him or to His authority, if you’re honest with yourself. If you were submitted to Him and even a speck grateful that He died in your place, you would want to protect His name by staying as far away as possible from even the appearance of sin.
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’
That alone will keep you out of heaven, so you might as well do what you’re determined to do and make the best of THIS life because the NEXT life is going to be rough for both of you. And how dare you interfere as you plan to with the possibility of reconciliation of your girlfriend’s covenant family and generations?
“The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” Jer. 17:9
Listen Matthew 19 talks about put away vs divorce. Simply look at the Greek and Hebew and you will see put away means separate. So in Matthew 19, it says if you separate and marry another you committed aldultry.
Look at Deutoronomy 24. If you find uncleanness you can divorce and remarry.
Do a Google search and see why Jesus hates putting away. In Israel today a woman can divorce her husband in civil courts but only the husband can sign the divorce certificate under Jewish Law which means a woman who is a Jew, loves her faith, but she can’t remarry.
This was very dangerous back then because woman needed men to provide financially for them.
Oh that this blogger could collect 10 bucks for every brilliant pseudo-theologian who trotted that lame theory out on this page, lecturing as if they had ever themselves heard of “Herman New-ticks”. Thanks for the “schooling”, but you’re about 3 years too late. And what part of, “Therefore what GOD has joined, let NO HUMAN put distance between…MOSES allowed, BUT FROM THE BEGINNING IT WAS NOT EVER SO” is so difficult to understand?
https://www.standerinfamilycourt.com/2016/02/stop-abusing-the-indecency-in-deuteronomy-24-the-debunk-series-part-2/
https://www.standerinfamilycourt.com/2016/02/does-a-holy-god-do-what-he-hates-stop-abusing-jer-3-the-debunk-series-part-6/
Those who submit to the lordship of Christ obey Him, get out of legalized immoral relationships and have nothing to sweat. Those who go running back to Mosaic regulation to find an excuse not to obey need to develop an appropriate fear of God while they still have that opportunity.
Your comment, Joy, deserves to go on the rubbish heap because you are clearly not a Christ-follower if this is what you believe. A very similar comment by a person named Faith that arrived the same day in SIFC’s inbox was consigned to the rubbish heap because the heretical points made — and necessary responses thereto — were identical (and reflected that neither of you actually read the whole post) – SIFC sincerely hopes this is not because you two are both in this same abominable, hellbound sin while mocking and abusing the blood of Jesus Christ while brazenly slandering His truth-telling messengers.
NEVER once did we say “no divorce ever” – in fact, if anyone is “married” under the immoral civil laws of men to the spouse of another living person, we consistently tell them they must divorce out of that immorality if they don’t want to go to hell. (I didn’t say so, Jesus did – twice, and Paul did – twice). Your biblical illiteracy is apparent, because Jesus used a verb tense and mood (present indicative) each and every time he spoke of adultery that poses as “marriage” as being ONGOING adultery. You can deny the ongoing sin all you want, but it won’t do you any good, and may well do you eternal harm.
How blissfully ignorant you both seem to be about how the verse you both just badly misquoted (Romans 8:1) actually ends, in any faithful and reliable translation…”there is no condemnation for those WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS, WHO WALK ACCORDING TO THE SPIRIT AND NOT ACCORDING TO THE FLESH”. No one who steals, covets and retains the estranged, God-joined spouse of another person is ever walking according to the Spirit.
Of course, you obviously think you’re the first (and most brilliant) antinomian ever to leave your comments on this post, but if you read the long string, you see that you have lots of ignorant company. We hope Sarah does talk to God, but He’s not about to contradict Himself when she does so. He will never lead anyone down a path that contradicts the clear instructions He already left us with in 3 of the 4 gospels and several Pauline epistles. In keeping with James 3:1 (let not many become teachers for they will incur a harsher judgment), we apparently need a ground rule on this blog against commenters presuming to counsel other commenters.