by Dennis Wingfield of Rejoice Marriage Ministries

This past week, I was chided for only sharing 90% of my marriage restoration story. I was really taken aback by the comment. My marriage difficulties have been an open book. I have shared from my heart for 15 years, often reliving the pain of our divorce. The very first Standing Firm devotional came out on October 2, 1999. This was the very day that my wife and I together, after our marriage was restored, witnessed the marriage of our only daughter. I have been challenged to share the last 10% of my story. I pray that God will use all that I say for His glory and for your benefit so that you may believe all that God has to say to you.

Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord. Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart—they do no wrong but follow his ways. You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Psalm 119:1-4

You see, dear Stander, Satan is not pleased with those who stand for the truth, beauty and goodness of God’s plan for marriage. If he cannot destroy us, he will go after our children. Satan was not pleased with my stand for the healing of my marriage. Satan was not pleased with the miracle that God performed in raising my marriage from the dead. Truth be told, neither is he is pleased with your stand. He will attack you with everything he has. Marriage is good in the eyes of the God and Satan wants to destroy it. Standing is hard. There is no easy road to marriage restoration. It is not for the faint of heart. But Jesus is Lord and He is bigger than any of these problems. He brings victory from defeat. When you stand firm on the commands and promises in God’s Word, miracles happen, today, here and now.

Now, to borrow American radio icon Paul Harvey’s line, here is “the rest of the story”…

When Therese and my daughter came home in May 1998, Therese was still civilly married to another man. We sold our family home and purchased a bigger house near where our daughter was attending high school. Therese and I lived in separate bedrooms, like brother and sister, since her second union was not legally dissolved. During the next two years, our reunited family shared the marriage of our only daughter and the birth of our first grandchild. My daughter, son-in-law and grandson lived with us so they could save money for their first house. It was awesome having a newborn in our home again. Therese and I only had one child and I wanted more. Being able to share so closely in the life of our new grandchild was a very special time for us.

Two years after Therese came home, she was experiencing difficulty negotiating the stairs to the upper level of our home. Therese taught aerobics for 20 years and having shortness of breath was unusual. Tests revealed that scar tissue from cancer radiation she received as a teenager was constricting the function of her heart and one lung. On May 8, 2000, Therese went into the hospital for surgery to remove the scar tissue. The operation was unsuccessful and Therese spent the last four months of her life in the hospital.

Two days after Therese entered the hospital, the divorce to the other man was finalized. On the same day, the daughter of this man lay dying in the same ICU, just a few doors down from my wife. She had been struck by a tree that was being cut down after a severe thunderstorm. God gave me the opportunity to pray with this man that night. His first wife had died from brain cancer. Life is hard, dear Stander. The other person in your wife’s life is also a broken human being trying to fill the gaping hole in his heart with worldly pursuits that will never satisfy. Only God can fill the God-sized hole in every human heart. Pray for the other man who is also in need of God’s mercy.

After my wife’s death, I received no support from family or friends in grieving the loss. I was told countless times “She wasn’t your wife, so why don’t you just get over it?” I could accept Therese’s death. But I could not accept the worldly view of our marriage, that I was somehow deranged for believing in the sanctity and permanence of marriage. Therese and I never had a chance to remarry in the eyes of the world. However, in God’s view, we were still married. Just because Therese ignored our covenantal marriage for a season does not mean that it ceased to exist. A civil divorce had no effect on our marriage in the eyes of God.

God created marriage; man created divorce. I did not have the opportunity to “remarry” Therese. In the end, it didn’t matter except to those who do not understand God’s view of the marriage covenant. God knew I was married and His opinion is the only one that matters.

Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” Mark 12:17

Being a visual person (engineer by training), I made the following graphic to show our marriage in the eyes of God and society. Also shown are what God has to say about marriage and divorce from Holy Scripture. God said it; I believe it. I stand for God’s truth about marriage.

God alone is the Creator of marriage and the laws that govern it. Since the dawn of creation, God designed marriage to be permanent, exclusive and fruitful (Gen 1:28, 2:24; Mt 19:5; Mk 10:9). Moses permitted divorce and remarriage as a concession to the sinfulness of Israel under the Old Covenant (Deut 24:1-4). It is clear: divorce is contrary to God’s will and plan for marriage: “I hate divorce, says the Lord” (Mal 2:16). Since it is forged by God Himself, it cannot be broken by any authority, civil or religious.

Divorce and remarriage are prohibited in the New Covenant instituted by Jesus by His very death on the cross. Why is Jesus’ teaching on marriage, divorce and remarriage such a source of controversy among Christians? To divorce and remarry is to commit adultery. Jesus says, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery” (cf. Mt 5:32). What? You say that your Bible says, “except for adultery.” The Greek word used in the Septuagint porneia, means “unlawful marriage” or incest. This word is used two other times in the New Testament, both referring to incest. (To understand biblical text, all of Scripture must be taken in account when analyzing the meaning the original author intended.) To divorce in this situation does not break a true marriage because a valid marriage never existed in the first place. Do you doubt what God has said about marriage, divorce and remarriage in His Word? Who is man to deny or change what God has clearly laid out in Sacred Scripture? Jesus says, “Why do you doubt?” (Mt 14:31). Yes indeed, why do so many doubt God’s Word on marriage?

So this is the other 10% of my story, dear Stander. I have laid it all out for you. Undoubtedly, some will take offense at what I have written. So be it. God said it; I believed and obeyed it. Who am I to go against God’s Word? In the end, God blessed me with a restored marriage. And I am forever thankful for that. In closing, I offer one more scripture passage to encourage you:

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.” Isaiah 55:6-13

May God’s will be done in your life and your marriage.